Friday, November 6, 2009

Saudades

Saudades is one of the most beautiful words in the Portuguese language. It's untranslatable, but it means something like "the longing, the desire for something/someone lost/missed."

Tenho saudades.

In lieu of finishing my half-written text for my Portuguese lesson tomorrow, err, today, I chatted with a friend, and then my Dad, on Skype tonight. (...while drinking cervejas, it should be noted.) I miss everyone. I'll see them all soon, but our time together will be short. Many of the people I'd like to reconnect with for many moons, I know, will have reunions smashed into hours. With some, I'll share a dinner, perhaps. With others, just a coffee break.

How do we collapse our experiences of nearly two years into such a short time? (Read: How do I stay connected to those people that I cherish?)

We don't. (Read: Maybe we can't.)

More pressingly for me tonight, how do I board my return flight to São Paulo in any state less than an utter emotional breakdown?

I don't know.

It was different when I left my hometown, with all of those gorgeous souls in my life, in early 2008 to come here. I was embarking on a purposeful, long-planned journey. I was seeking a dream. And I was so excited about the new, the foreign, the unexpected.

I already know, though, that next time I go to O'Hare to check in, to come back to my other home, that I'll be returning to a familiar place and life. I am certain that Brazil is still the birthplace of my dream, of the life I want to create for myself... but it's no longer foreign to me. I am, I notice, less awed by the wonders and more aggravated by the realities.

I still feel the weight of the same pressing goals I established for myself two years ago. I still sense that I can create something really unique for myself here. But, man, it's going to be a lot harder to shut my eyes to what I'm missing back home-home this time around.

There're going to be tears.
I can feel it already.

LG

P.S. Yeah, light-hearted Sampa posts are coming. Stay tuned.